light bulb.

the light bulb in my closet went out... like a month ago. yet i have not changed it. why? because i am lazy. plain and simple.


by Scenicartisans

so this weekend, the cleaning bug bit me and i was off. doing loads and loads of laundry. dusting. vacuuming. carpet cleaning and attempting to change that damn light bulb. i grabbed the tallest thing in my apartment, which is a bar stool and started to climb. WTF! I'm too short. i can't reach the light bulb. the fist thought i have is 'if i had a man in my life, all i would have to do is ask him'. then... i emotionally fell apart.

moments like these are moments where i hate my situation. i get extremely angry that things in my life are no where near where i want them to be.

then.. i wiped the tears away, stopped feeling sorry for myself, and went to target to buy a step ladder.

dating.

i've never been good at dating. in high school i had a boyfriend for 2 years and when i wasn't with him, there was this one guy, who i was head over hills for. after high school, i meet The Fireman... who was not a fireman at the time but now is... and we were together for 3 years. I then left The Fireman to be with My SBJ, who i was with for 5 years, and we all know how that ended. After My SBJ passed away, I met Mr. T who devastatingly crushed my heart and my soul.

so now i have been left to survive the dating pool... a shallow yet crowd pool of fellows who have left me bored and annoyed. if i'm attracted to them, they have no job or not spunk. if they are witty and fun, i'm not physically attracted to them. and overall these guys are just not jazzy. not interesting. not exciting. i'm bored. it sucks. i'm out.

a trick on the eye.

I found these wall graphics yesterday online at Morden Wall Graphics. I have been daydreaming for the past two afternoons about pasting them all over my apartment but I think that may be a bit of over kill. Tonight I plan on sitting on the floor and imaging the perfect space for which ever one i pick.

happy new year... i guess.

for the past few weeks, i have put my head down and walked around as if not paying any attention that it was the beginning of a new year. to me, it was just another day. another lonely day... with more lonely days to follow. we are now 9 days into the year and i feel it is okay to come out of hiding and go on with normal business.

i did not,like most others, make any resolutions or plan on coming up with any new adventures. the ones i had last month are the ones i have today but with maybe one or two more steps accomplished. to make resolutions, i think you have to be unsatisfied with something in yourself and right now, i really don't feel that way. i lost 20 lbs in the last 4 months of last year. i accidentally picked up bikram yoga two weeks ago and it makes me feel pretty good. and i haven't had an appetite to eat much except when that monthly week comes around. a girlfriend asked when i would stop smoking and i replied, 'when i feel like it and i really don't feel like it.' my bank account is has positive numbers in it and my brain is in tune... but what is wrong is that my heart is broken and i unfortunately can not fix that on my own. so when thinking about resolutions... i'm pretty satisfied with the way things are with myself.