staring.

we were all taught that staring is impolite and we should refrain from it when ever possible but i suppose i failed to go over that lesson with gauge. he has issues with staring. he will do it for hours if i let him. as i sit here on the sofa this very instant, he is standing in the middle of the living room staring at me... he has been doing it for about ten minutes now. long enough for me to snap a picture. i apologize for the quality.

all the things i buy...

my first purchase to share is this lovely photo from Holli Coonger out of Nashville. I found it on one of her three etsy stores, TheTypeJunkie's Shop.... i love that name! titled A Squared, it's an 11 x 11 print that I can not wait to find the perfect frame for... i'm thinking maybe some thing turquoise but weathered, with undertones of black and red. if only i made frames! 

visit.

with all the extended family drama going on, my parents have excused my sisters and i from family funeral duty. i could not be more pleased with their decision. if i don't have to put myself through the pain and heartache, please don't make me. there have been and will be times that i will not have a choice so this is a breath of fresh air. thank you mother and father.

and from a dreadful note to a high note...yay! sister no. 1 is coming to town for a day and she's leaving the little ones at home {whew!} but the two older ones are tagging along. can't wait to spend some QT with them! We will definitely be spending some time on and around the UT campus... Horns up!

by FleurdeStone

nervous.

by DogBoneArt

when things go round and round in my head, i write. for me it is like expressing the demons of my mind. now, i never said i was good or funny or prolific at writing. i'm just me. apparently some love that.... and obviously some do not. but this is the reason why i blog. until now i have not shared my blog with people who are close to me and i have done this for many reasons... the main reasons are as follows:

1. i want to be honest with myself. if i know there is a possibiliy that someone is reading this, i have a tendency to censor myself. i don't want y'all to think i'm crazy. which takes me to my next reason.

2. i don't want y'all to think i'm crazy. or worry. swampy said it best, " i don't want to read your blog and have to call you up and ask if you're cutting yourself again." by all means she was kidding but i know my friends love me and care for me and i don't want my peeps to worry.

3. i have been depressed on the inside for the past few month and my inner thoughts have not been happy and unfortunatly my inner thoughts explode here. therefore, who wants to read this crap... i know i wouldn't want to read some debbie downer blog about boys and bullshit.

so moving onward and upward!!!! i am finally sharing with others as of today... or tomorrow. there will be a few edits, of course, but not many. i read back over some post and there are some points that are pretty low so i'm quite nervous about putting it out there but i am secure enough in my own emotions to own them, afterall it is me! i only ask you not to judge.

and with that... i hope i've reached a turning point to add some sizzle to this place. some sunshine and some laughs!

liked.

by EmptyGeorge

today i feel like no one likes me. i sound like a total 4th grader, i know. but in the past 48 hours i've been dissed by old classmates from ten years ago, ignored by old friends, snubbed by new ones, and not defended by my confidant. my co-workers are acting strange. i think a girlfriend is irritated with me and there is a boy that i wouldn't mind if he called me. i miss that one person who i can talk to about everything and not be judged for anything. i feel i'm honest with people. and nice to people but i constantly question people's loyalty. i don't think alot of people know what it truly means be loyal. it scares me. i want to trust people, put my faith in them. but people are harsh for stupid reasons and it gets a little ridiculous. i'm just having an off day. later will be better. until then, i hope someone acts like they like me.

bullshitin'.

i am wanting nothing more than to grab a case a beer, a pack of cigarettes, a good friend and go hang out on someones patio or in someones backyard, forget about all the shit that's going on or has to be done and just talk about life and bullshit. no worries... just shoot the shit. *sigh*

by WishIWereHere

all the things i want...

the sweetest matchbooks i have ever seen!

by SusyJack*

sentiment.

the past few days have made me ponder the thought... 'is that TIME of the month approaching, already?' because i find my self discovering sentiments it the oddest of places. overall, i am emotional person. i'm very in tune with how i think and react to things in my everyday life and usually my reaction is rightfully warranted. but since last friday... it's been a uphill battle with getting through the day without being emotionally touched by the most random thing. now, i am not bitching. i appreciate when a song on the radio moves me, or a sky full of rolling clouds takes me breath away... but when it_is_every_little_thing, it becomes a bit exhausting.


by PearlGirl

saturday i spent the day huddled in the corner of my bathroom, bawling my eyes out and blowing my nose into a hand towel. why is it that we always find ourselves in the bathroom in times of emotional breakdowns? is it a safe place? can no one touch us there? i don't know why i do it... i have no one to hide from in my own home unless the dogs are all up in my face. but they have learned to watch the sobbing from at least a ten foot radius. they sit patiently until called on... they are such smart dogs. the emotional blabber fest that visited on saturday was maybe a delicate recipe of the approaching 2 year anniversary of my SBJ death, the looming feeling that i must return to a craptastic job after the weekend, the self loathing feeling that i am without an intimate relationship, and the best one of all... the amazing sense that i have made zero movement in my life in the past four years, if anything i have regressed. when do i get to stick my head above water. why do i feel like i am fighting a fight that no one else is? it seems like everyone is about money, status, what they have, where they are going... why does all that matter? what about the one thing that is yours, the one thing you can control, the one thing you can take with you... your soul. why don't we all concern ourselves with the inner workings of what make us the way we are? again, i feel like i am fighting a fight all on my own.