where have i been?

it's like i have been missing in action for the past four months. i keep asking myself, 'self? where have you been?' and can't seem to come up with a good answer. all of may i must have getting my place together. and june is usually the best month of the year for me. july flew by and august has been crap, plain and utter crap.

i was fired from my job. FIRED! at 27! does anyone know what that feels like? i'm sure you do but it's gross and nasty and ugly... and i hate thinking about it.

another thing i hate thinking about... the man that i love love love, mr. t. he is still going through his stuff and it seems to have gotten worse. i find myself sick over this. SICK! i can't eat. i can't sleep. i can't stop thinking about him. i don't think he knows what he means to me and i feel like i am constantly trying to tell/show him and it's not working... at all. so i have relocated for the time being to my parental abode.

some may think, 'wow! she's a loser!'. and i say, 'touche!'.

but let me spell it out like this. i am trying so hard to make a life for myself. correction... a new life. since the one i was working on so diligently was taken away from me in a split second. i didn't have the perfect life everyone dreams of but i sure had something i could count on. someone to hold me when i needed it and someone to pick me up when i couldn't do it on my own anymore. and now.. i have nothing. i don't have a job to get up and push myself to go to anymore. i have a man that loves me but just doesn't want to be around me. i have friends who have their own life to tend to and family who has bigger fish to fry than me.

i just want that one person who is for me so bad.