5.14.2008

la pensée de la semaine.




since i've woken up this morning, i feel like the seams are coming undone. why now, why today? i could literally bust into tears right at this moment. for what reason? i have no clue.

maybe i'm scared. you know... that kind of scared that stops you dead in your tracks. the kind that paralyzes you to take that proverbial step forward. i've been here before. it was easier to give into it then. i truly try my hardest to live everyday with the most umph that i can muster up inside myself. some days i fall completely short, other days i take chance after chance. today seems to be one of those days that i teeter between staying still or moving forward.

... what in the hell am i doing?! i'm about to walk away from a regular paycheck, a comfortable little home, a regularly scheduled social life, a group of amazing friends, and a town i have fallen in love with. for what? ... possibilities? i have nothing concrete to settle upon. everything that i am about to change is based on possibilities. i may sometimes act like i am fearless and that is the farthest thing from the truth. those who know me have seen me fall. and i fall hard. i'm getting very tired from pulling myself up and wiping off the muck that pulls me down. i'm afraid that one of these days it is all going to get the best of me. how much more can i take? where is my breaking point?

but with all that said... how in the hell can i stand by and watch the most opportune time of my life, so far, pass me by? i have to try. i have to make the most of the things that have been given to me. i must. i refuse to live with any kind of regret. REFUSE!

it's time to take chances.

6 comments:

Colby said...

Sometimes, I think, we're not supposed to take the most fun path or the smartest or the easiest, but the most transcendent. And you can only really listen to yourself to know when it's the right time for that path.

(Why do I waste all the good stuff on comments on your blog and write about crappy crud on mine?)

PearlGirl said...

because i'm so thought provoking!

madelyn said...

The greater the risk, the great the reward. I think that you will find an amazing reward by leaving a comfortable life for one that is full of possibilities.

Baconator said...

Not taking the chance would be even worse, though.

"Audentes fortuna juvat"

Swampy said...

i think it's extremely selfish of you and unlike these other clowns i do not support this life change

PearlGirl said...

well then. i shall stay.