to steal from colby angus, i would have to say this was the "weirdest weekEND. EVER".
last night, as i laid on my sofa and took in all that had happened over the past two days, an odd feeling began to stir up inside my stomach... was it anxiety, guilt, annoyance, regret? i'm still not sure but it remains, churning, making me completely uneasy.
somehow, i found myself catapulted into a social circle that i clearly did not evaluate before jumping into head first. i don't like to mess with the flow of friends, disturb the pace at which people play but with the loss of inhibitions, i threw caution to the wind and regressed past my own awareness.
i threw words out that landed in the laps of some that were not even on my radar. i pushed the envelope with new friendships and it seemed to smack me right back in the face. i portrayed a side of myself that i'm not particularly proud to show. and the guilty by association idea may have played against me (does that ever work out well?). but the thing i feel so uncomfortable about is the possibly of losing a friendship that is: one, still pretty new. two, held in high regards. and three, has great potential to be a strong friend to have in my corner. and the Lord knows i need and crave for good people to be in my corner. i am disappointed in myself for stepping up to the line of respect and putting my toes directly on the line. i know better.
so maybe that feeling churning in my stomach is a little of regret, which makes me upset because i have, or had, no regrets. i always own both my emotions and my actions. so, i guess that is what i must do. it is, what it is... i have no apologies for being myself. even if that self is a bit of a giggling cu*t at times.
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