It's Tuesday... I move into my new place on Friday. My new place... all by myself. I have never moved into a new residence alone. I have always had a sister, a college dorm roommate, a sorority sister, a boyfriend, then a boyfriend turned husband to share all the anxieties of moving. The decisions. The approval of someone else. The comfort of knowing someone shares in your responsibility. But now, it's all my decision. Every. Single. Thing. This process has been very strange to me.
I have been living alone ever since My Sweet Baby James passed away, which will a year and three months on my moving day. But I have been living in the house that we lived in together so when we moved in there, we made those choices together. Now this is the first time ever I have had to do it on my own. I thought it would be fun and easy since it's my choice and I'm pretty sure I always know what I want but man was I wrong. I have second guessed my self on every single decision I have been making. I've been so worried if I am making the right choices for myself. Can I afford this new place? Will I be OK with the longer commute? Will I like my new neighborhood? Is it too far away from my friends? The list goes on and on.
Look. I know I am not the first person in the world who has had these obstacles to over come, I'm just saying, "Gees!" being alone in the world can be hard. Especially now that the stress of moving and getting everything together are coming to ahead. I have no one to help me. No one to hold my hand. Give me a hug. Go through trash. Tell me it's going to be OK. No one to look at and imagine what the days ahead will be like in this new place. This new place that will be different and not comforting like home should be. I have to say good bye to that comfort of a home that i have known and been through so many thing in. the first place we had moved after being married, the place where we hung out and slept and fought and made up. Where we discussed our future together and almost our future apart. where i fell to my knees in dealing with his lose. where i cried for days and pleaded with GOD to show me some answers. the exact place where i remember him laughing hysterically, the last place where i remember him looking at me and me telling him what i wanted for Valentines day and the exact spot where he hugged so very tight before we walked away and went our separate ways the weekend he died.
Now I have to make comforts at this new place. So wish me luck!